Why I Can't Eat Normal Things For Breakfast
by Kuramastrass
Summary: He picked up the sandwich. Pan groaned. "There's a reason I can't eat normal things for breakfast, Pan," he said slowly after another bite. "Would you like to know why?" "Yes, I would very much like to know why!" she exclaimed, taking back her Cheerios.
1. The Reason

**Once upon a time, I was talking to a friend of mine during a free period at school. We were talking about ChiChi and her evils... I made a comment about her wanting Gohan to recieve a PhD by his seventh birthday (quoting almost directly from "I am the Prince of the Saiyans") and he agreed. Then I made some comment like, "She probably force-fed him textbooks for breakfast every day, too."**

**Thinking that it was hysterical, at lunch, we mentioned it to another friend. Who immediately said something like, "Like in the song Albuquerque by Weird Al!"**

**And even though that was sauerkraut he was force-fed, that's besides the point. And that's where the idea for this incredibly dumb story was born.**

**Any questions? Good. Now go read!**

**Oh, one last thing. I don't own DBZ. I'm not Akira Toriyama (I wish).**

**So, enjoy "Why I Can't Eat Normal Things For Breakfast", and review! There should be a seconds chapter coming along... eventually.**

"Ugh, Dad, _please_!" Pan wrinkled her nose in disgust.

Gohan looked up from his breakfast, set it down on the table, and swallowed a large mouthful. "What?"

"Can't you eat something _normal_ for breakfast?" She pushed her bowl of Cheerios across the table toward him. "Ever since I can remember, you've been eating _weird_ things and it's _embarrassing_! Even _leftovers_ would be better than a double-decker cardboard and couch cushion_ sandwich_!"

"Actually, one of them's a pillow."

"Whatever! It's still _really_ embarrassing!"

Gohan looked between his two choices: the bowl of cereal and the sandwich. It was a hard choice. The Cheerios looked appetizing, but... he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

He picked up the sandwich.

Pan groaned.

"There's a _reason_ I can't eat normal things for breakfast, Pan," he said slowly after another bite. "Would you like to know why?"

"Yes, I would very _much_ like to know why!" she exclaimed, taking back her Cheerios.

Gohan sighed and began to speak.

- -

"_Gohan... breakfast..." My mom's voice rang out in a sing-songy way, but there was a hint of something evil in it._

_I did what any sensible four-year-old would do: I hid._

_"Gohan... where are you?" she continued in that same voice. I saw her feet as she walked into my room. She slowly walked around, looking for any place I might be hidden. She stopped at my closet and pulled it open._

_I remember praying, "Please don't look under the bed."_

_Then her head suddenly appeared, as if she had heard my thought. "Gohan! There you are!"_

_I tried to escape, but I was too slow. She grabbed me and pulled me out from underneath the bed._

_She carried me into the kitchen, even though I was fighting against her the whole way. Nothing made her loosen her iron grip._

_"Now, now; you need to eat breakfast for a healthy start to the day."_

_She set me down in the kitchen and turned her back to me. Falsely sensing that the danger was over, I began to relax._

_All of a sudden, I was pinned to the wall about three feet in the air. My mom stood over me, holding me in place. I tried to scream, but she put a funnel in my mouth and began to pour something into it._

_It was a lumpy liquid – almost like a milkshake, only warm and bland._

- -

"What was it?" Pan asked, though she wasn't quite sure she wanted to know.

"Some pages she'd ripped out of textbooks and put into the blender."

The girl looked down at her cereal, making a face and turning extremely pale.

"And she did that every day until I went to real school and met your mother," Gohan finished.

"I think I'm going to be _sick_..."

Her father resumed eating his breakfast sandwich. "Cardboard's pretty good for an upset stomach," he said between chews. "There's some more down in the basement, if you want."

Pan put a hand over her mouth and jumped up, running from the room.

And Gohan finished eating his cardboard-cushion-pillow sandwich in peace.

- Kuramastrass -


	2. The Sleepover

**Well, this is the second/last chapter of this fic.**

**I know it was stupid. But I hope you enjoyed it.**

**Basically, this is the story of why Pan chose that particular day to ask about her father's eating habits, when he's had them her whole life.**

**So, here's the final chapter of "Why I Can't Eat Normal Things For Breakfast"! If you review, I'll love you forever!**

_One day earlier…_

Gohan was sitting at the table, sipping coffee, and reading the paper. He was hungry, but Pan had asked him to wait until her friends had left to eat breakfast.

So all he had was coffee… he was starving…

The thunderous footsteps of hyperactive teenager girls could be heard coming down the stairs.

"Where's Mom?" Pan asked him over the shouts of all her friends.

"She went to take care of your Grandpa H."

She quickly glided over to him so she could whisper her next question. "Why? What happened?"

Understanding that she didn't want the others to hear, he whispered back. "He fell on his face trying to fly out the window again."

His daughter groaned and turned to her mob of friends. "Mom isn't here, so I guess I'll have to make breakfast. Come pick out a microwave dinner or make yourself some cereal…"

"You dad can make us breakfast!" someone cried out.

"Uhh, I don't think you want him to…"

"Yeah, c'mon, Pan!" someone else yelled. "Let your dad make us breakfast!"

She sighed. "You asked for it." Pan walked into the kitchen to make herself a bowl of cereal.

"Okay, girls." Gohan smiled and quickly counted them in his head. Eight. "I'll make breakfast."

Pan came out of the kitchen as her father walked in, a bowl of Frosted Flakes in her hands. She plopped down on the couch and began to eat. Gohan came back out a few minutes later, ten breakfast-items on the tray he was carrying.

"What are those?" one of the girls asked as he set the tray down on the table.

"Looks like cardboard tacos filled with bubble wrap and packing peanuts, and topped with cinnamon toothpaste," Pan answered from the couch.

Her eight guests went pale as they watched Gohan happily begin munching on one of the tacos.

"See? I told you." His daughter got up and went to put her dirty dishes away. "Who wants a microwave dinner?"

And eight girls hurriedly followed her into the kitchen.

- -

"I'm home!" Videl poked her head through the back door.

And saw that her entire house had been destroyed.

_"Pan!"_

"What, Mom?" she called from another room.

"Why is the house completely destroyed?"

Pan came dashing into the kitchen, tears in her eyes. "_Because_, look as what Dad tried to give my friends for _breakfast_!"

She pointed to the last of the breakfast tacos.

"You didn't do this while they were here, did you?" her mother asked her now, referring to the blowing up of most of the furniture.

Pan shook her head.

Videl smiled at her daughter. Though she was still upset about her wrecking the house – she had been very fond of that couch – she knew that her daughter's feelings were understandable. She was just a teenager, albeit one of the most powerful, and was still learning how to deal with her emotions.

She had been embarrassed, and angry, and had taken care of it the only way she knew: spending all of her energy blasting at her father.

And Videl couldn't blame her. She would want to do the same thing if she was in Pan's place. Her smiled turned to more of a smirk as she opened her mouth to scream again.

_"Gohan!"_

- Kuramastrass -


End file.
